


XoXo, Monster Killer

by Forever_Sweet



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: This was supposed to be creepy but seems more cute...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-16
Updated: 2015-09-16
Packaged: 2018-04-21 00:49:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4808576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forever_Sweet/pseuds/Forever_Sweet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s bad enough that Dipper still hasn’t found the serial killer that has been killing supernatural creatures. The same serial killer knows who he is and keeps leaving notes in his apartment with concerns about his health.</p>
            </blockquote>





	XoXo, Monster Killer

_Blood is red, veins are blue, take your fucking medicine or I’ll shoot you!_ \- XoXo, Monster Killer.

Dipper could feel a headache coming on as he read the little card attached to a bottle of vitamins. It wasn’t the only thing that had a small golden card attached to it, but it was the first thing he saw after arriving at his apartment.

This also wasn’t the first incident, it had been happening ever since his sister had set him up on a case with a murdered wendigo a few months ago. The little cards had started off full of malice and taunts of Dipper never catching him. However, over time they had begun to get more concerned over his health and life style.

His apartment, as expected, had been cleaned up. Laundry had been picked up from the floor, cleaned, pressed, and put away in their proper places. The dishes that had been cluttering his sink were sparkling and carefully stored into the cabinets. And even his notes on the case were organized into several neat stacks on his now clean desk.

His sister of course was no help, cooing and making jokes on how he had an admirer. A serial killer having complete access to his apartment didn’t bother her all that much for some reason.

Though, it bothered her more than it bothered the police. Who had dismissed his claims every single time he called and last time had told him that if he prank called again they would lock him up.

A few months ago Dipper might have thrown the vitamins away and called a lock smith to replace the locks. Now he just threw his jacket over the back of the couch and located a pair of scissors to open the bottle. At least the killer was nice enough to get him the chewable kind this time.

Chewing on his vitamin he looked around the apartment at all the golden notes. They were all the usual about keeping his place clean and how a neighbor had stopped by with some cobbler which was in the fridge.

Everything was normal until he got to his room and found a sticky note stuck to his open laptop. Picking the note up, he wiggled the mouse, and read it over as the monitor came to life.

 _You caught two viruses from this porn site. I took the liberty of opening a new document and writing down some better sites. Also, did not peg you for the type of guy who likes tentacles._ \- XoXo, Monster Killer.

Pressing his palms over his eyes, Dipper cursed the universe for his shitty luck. Not only had he left his personal computer open for the world to browse his private files; but now a serial killer was rating his taste in porn.

Picking up the phone, Dipper didn’t bother uncovering his eyes as he typed in his sister’s number. Mabel answered on the second ring, her cheery voice announcing that she knew he would call.

“Bro-bro! Did Mr. Killer visit your apartment again?”

“You sure you can’t use those psychic powers to figure out who "Mr. Killer” is?“

"Nope! They kind of do what they want if I haven’t touched the person! So, what’s up? Did he leave you a weird present? Maybe more teeth or a live fish again?” Dipper’s eyes were drawn to his aquarium where Slice, his pet gold fish was swimming around happily.

The golden note stuck to the tank told Dipper that Slice had already been fed and to ignore his cute pleading fish face. Another older golden note was still stuck where the Monster Killer had left it the day Dipper had come home to find he was a pet owner.

 _Management said you can have fish, and watching gold fish swim around is said to be good for mental health. His name is Slice and he likes to give your fingers kisses if you’ll let him._ \- XoXo, Monster Killer.

“Dipper? Are you thinking about the fish again?” Dipper was snapped out of his thoughts by Mabel’s annoyed voice through the phone.

“He didn’t leave anything weird, but I did leave my laptop open and he-”

“HE SAW YOUR PORN STASH AND LEFT YOU SUGGESTIONS!?” Pulling the phone away from his ear, Dipper waited for the ringing caused by Mabel’s screech to go away before putting it back.

“Why do your psychic powers pick up on that of all things?”

“DIPPER THAT IS SO GROSS AND WHY WOULD YOU CALL ME TO TELL ME ABOUT THAT!? I DON’T WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU GET UP TO WHEN IT’S LATE AT NIGHT! I KNOW YOU HAVE URGES, BUT THAT’S DISGUSTING!”

“Mabel, it’s not always late at night when I think about things like that.”

“EW! I’M HANGING UP NOW!” His phone beeped to tell him that the line had been cut and Dipper couldn’t help the childish laugh as he set it back down.

Then he heard a small mew from somewhere. Freezing he looked around in confusion until he heard it again. Following the sound he picked up the end of his bed cover and found a small kitten with a golden note tied around its neck.

 _My cat had kittens and this was the only one I couldn’t give away. He’s the runt and he might die anyway, but have a free cat! I left some supplies in your hall closet._ \- XoXo, Monster Killer.

Dipper stared wide-eyed down at the kitten as it meowed at him. Its little nose sniffing him and its large eyes staring cutely into his soul.

Neither of them made a move until Dipper’s phone rang and he ran to answer it.

“YOU HAVE A KITTY! DIPPER, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO NAME IT!?”

“Mabel! I can’t keep a cat!”

“Oh yes you can! What does it look like? Does it have cute tiny paws?!” Actually the cat had huge paws that it tripped over as it lumbered over to Dipper.

“Uh, he’s black with orange and white patches. His paws are too big for his body and he keeps tripping over them when he tries to walk.” Scooping up the kitten, it meowed and began purring when Dipper stroked its head.

“DIPPPPER! You have a kitty!!! Oh! Oh! Name him Oreo! Or Patches!” The cat’s claws stuck into his arm and scratched him. Wincing Dipper was going to put the cat down until it turned its wide eyes on him.

“I can see why Killer is your human dad…rotten little thing.”

“Murder? Your naming your cat Murder? That’s a little weird Dipdot, but you enjoy your kitty! I have a customer, but before I go the police are going to call you. They want your help on this murder, good luck!” Mabel hung up after they said their good-byes and Dipper was once again left alone with a kitten. Who apparently he had named Murder without actually opening his mouth to do so.

Clearing his throat, Dipper put on his game face as he stroked Murder’s head and waited for the police to call.

~OwO~

“Bill, I hope you're happy!” Detective Bill Cipher closed his laptop and wheeled around in his chair until he was facing his boss Gideon.

“Why’s that bossy-man?”

“I’m calling in that ‘paranormal’ detective you recommended me when the first murder cropped up. I’m still not quite sure if I believe in ghosts or what-not, but he’s solved some cases in the past and he might be of some use.” Bill’s grin spread from cheek-to-cheek and he tried not to dance in his chair as Gideon spoke in a resigned tone.

“You finally going to admit that he is one of the best out there~?”

“Not on your life, Cipher. Now get ready to go into the field. I’ll need you to work with this 'paranormal’ investigator since none of the other boys will stop laughing long enough to do it.” After getting a salute in reply, Gideon wandered back to his office while mumbling under his breath about spookums being hockums.

Bill snorted and opened his laptop as his co-workers chatted around him. One would think with Gideon having a crush on a local psychic that he would be more open minded, but his boss was just as dim as everyone else.

Everyone else except for Dipper Pines in Bill’s opinion. Who was not only smart, but perfectly capable of working with the paranormal and the weird.

If only the kid wasn’t so strict with his ethical code, Bill would have loved to bring him in on killing the unwanted filth of the world. But Dipper didn’t want to hurt anyone, not even creatures that had killed dozens of people without regret. It was disappointing, but Bill was content with watching Dipper try to solve the problem from the outside.

Though, watching Dipper pet the kitten with such a stern look on his face as he was on the phone, no doubt talking to Gideon, was amusing. The cameras hidden throughout his apartment giving Bill the perfect view of every expression. Including the little victory dance that occurred after he hung up the phone.

Bill just hoped that working with Dipper would be just as much fun as watching him.


End file.
